Tuesday, 22 June 2010

... a change of perspective.

The good, the bad and the nothings.

If you were to stand still and let the world in, I'm pretty sure it would destroy you.
There's always the good, the bad and the nothings.
No matter how hard we squeeze our eyes shut, crouch down and keep our hands clamped to our ears there will always be the white noise buzzing.
I try hard to keep moving because if we were to stop, this is what we'd hear.

The footsteps on the pavement at first.
Five feet to the right of me are two people who most would assume are a couple and as I get closer I can tell my assumption was correct. This is the drama I usually avoid and as I pass the volume slides up and I listen in...
"... isn't us. Why can't you..."
3. 2. 1. and it's over for me but it's still there. What means nothing to me means everything to them and it's a shame that that counts for so much in life.

And switch.

My eyes dart from his left eye to the right and for a second I become distracted by how I can never look into both at the same time so I look to the floor instead and I mumble.
"This isn't us, why can't you see that I'm unhappy?"
He looks away and I know that he blames himself. So selfless yet so naive and it's those reasons that make me realise we've changed. I look up as I hear a noise from behind me and I turn towards an ambulance 10 feet behind me, getting closer and closer. The siren approaching and before it fades into the distance i just catch the end of his sentence;
"... can't do this anymore."
And my heart breaks and pounds and all I can do is swallow my throat.

And switch.

I'm gasping for air but I barely notice. All I can focus on is my heart pounding in my eardrums bringing panic on, making me feel cold. I try to distract myself by listening to the rhythm that is created with my heart and the siren but it doesn't work.
There's a man in green sitting next to me with his hand on my heart telling me everything is
going to be fine if I just stay calm. It's in these moments that we curse ourselves for lying because if we didn't then i'd believe him. Human nature in its finest always comes back to haunt us.
He blurs and everything turns red, then slowly from the outside in everthing begins to fade into white and I gasp.

And switch.

I gasp as I see the ambulance approaching and take a quick step back onto the pavement. I kick a bottle cap out of my path and I tune back out as the siren quietens.
There's a part of me that is grateful for the nothings and even happier for the goods. But then there's parts of me that know that when these things happen to me, they'll be equally as insignificant. It takes 5 seconds to see the bad and the same amount of time to ignore it.
It's then that I look across the road and I see her for the first time. I can't help but smile
as I step forward.
Then it hits me and I take it back... Give me the nothings over the bad.

And switch.

I stop at the crossing as I see him. He smiles, I smile. But it's over so fast. I freeze and all I can hear is a noise getting louder and louder.
It's a person, running towards him shouting.
"... someone call an ambulance."

And with this I give you a change of perspective.

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